These days war is in the everyday conversations of adults and often children. Children may hear in their environment that there is a war in a nearby country or even see images of war on TV or the internet and this may raise questions or upset them.
What can we do as adults? How can we answer their questions? How do we discuss the war with children?
Often we make assumptions about what children know, without really knowing what information they have and what they think about what is happening
- Start the conversation and find out what your child knows. Ask him if it is a topic that is discussed at school or with his friends.
- Listen carefully and encourage the child to express their questions and feelings. It is natural at this time to hear expressions such as “World War III”, “catastrophe”, “nuclear war”, which he does not understand and which may cause him anxiety and fear.
- Do not judge the feelings he is expressing (e.g. “you should not feel like that”, “you are a man and should not be afraid”). Be understanding of whatever those feelings are.
- Give honest answers and clarifications according to the child’s age. For example, to a school-age child, explain that the leaders of some countries in conflict did not find a peaceful solution and resorted to war. Let them know that there are people in the world who are experts in conflict resolution who are looking for solutions to stop war.
- You do not have to have answers to all the child’s questions. Nor do you have to explain everything in great detail. Children need to clear in their minds what is troubling and upsetting them. With teenagers, conversations can be richer and more fruitful as they form a view of what is going on around them.
- Reassure the child that the war is happening in a country far enough away that it is safe. Say honestly how we don’t know how things will turn out for children living in war zones, but point out that every effort is being made to ensure that they too are safe in shelters or have access to humanitarian aid sent by other countries in the region.
- If the child shows indifference to the issue, do not continue the discussion. Do not try to explain more than he is asking. Use simple words and limit yourself to what the child is asking. Avoid making accusations against the people of a nation and fostering stereotypes.
- Turn off the television and avoid exposing the child to images of violence as they have a direct effect on his psyche and consequently intensify his anxiety and fears. A young child is not able to understand how far away the images he sees are, nor does he know whether what he sees is threatening to the place where he lives. Avoid heated family discussions and use different media when the child is in front of you so that he is not exposed to images or charged narratives.
- Encourage the child to feel that he is contributing in some way to peace processes by writing a letter, making a drawing or collage about peace, participating in a pro-peace event or making a donation to a humanitarian non-profit organization.
- Take time with your child, especially when you notice that he is upset, has trouble sleeping, or has a change in behavior. Offer your love and hugs generously.
